Prayer, the Soul of Mission

By Sr. Maria Dulce Emmanuel Inlayo, OCD

Infanta Carmel, Quezon Province

Introduction

           When my father died in 2006, I was not home. Mommy called me up on March 4, 2006, to inform me that Daddy’s strength was little by little escaping him. When I went to my superior to inform her of Dad’s condition, she just told me to PRAY.  Pray, I did, before the tabernacle as I entrusted to Jesus, Daddy.  On March 5, 2006, at 2:20 am, I was awakened by my Superior from my deep slumber.  My sister was on the phone; Dad was rushed to the hospital.  With urgency, Mommy told me to go home immediately that day. Then she asked if I wanted to speak with Dad. I said ‘yes’. Dad told me, ‘Dulce, mamamatay na ko. IPAGDASAL mo ako.’  I felt a lump on my throat. I felt at a loss for words.  All I could say was, ‘Daddy tatagan mo loob mo.’ Our conversation was cut short by the cry of a child at the end of the line. Mom got the receiver. When I put down the phone, as I entered within me in prayer, I became aware of the tension within me. On one hand, I wanted Dad to wait for me. I wanted to be beside him when he breathes his last, on the other hand, I didn’t want to be the reason of his prolonged agony. Finally, trembling and in pain, I whispered to Dad in prayer, ‘I love you Dad, I let you go. Goodbye.’ When I returned to the Novitiate, I kissed the big crucifix as an act of surrender and prayed. I wrote in my journal.  

3:30 am

Dear God,

           I don’t know kung maaabutan ko pa si Daddy.  Bet. now and the time I’ll be able to go home is already a looong time.  I don’t know kung makakayanan pa ni Daddy.  I don’t want to be the reason of his prolonged agony.  If it is his time to go, take him na.  Pero kung makahintay pa po… Bahala ka na po.

          Basta I let go and surrender him to you as I surrender my own will and that of Daddy’s, Mommy’s, Nette’s and Bullet’s will.

          I thank you and bless you for everything. You have blessed us and Dad with overflowing miracles these past five months.  You have prepared Dad and the family well.  You have effected healing and transformation in our hearts.  May you fill the family’s heart with peace, joy and gratitude these moments.  May we offer Daddy to you with thanksgiving in our hearts. May you heal whatever remaining hurt, anger and unforgiveness may be in our hearts and in Daddy’s heart…

Dad who had cancer of the liver, died of cardiac arrest in the hospital at 3 am, with Mommy, my sister and brother gathered around him in PRAYER while I was away in Carmel, alone in my cell at PRAYER.

          Although I was able to speak with Dad a few minutes before he died, although I had told him that I might not be there with him when he dies but that I have entrusted him to Mama Mary, although I had prayed for surrender to God’s will, still there was a part of me that questioned WHY? Why didn’t Dad ask for me? Why was I not permitted by my superior to go home when I informed her of Dad’s condition? Why didn’t Daddy wait for me? And why didn’t God allow that I be there when Dad breathes his last.

           After much wrestling with God in prayer, He made me understand that Dad had offered me to Him a long time ago when I entered Carmel.  Dad knew our life as contemplatives. It wasn’t important to him that I be beside him when he dies. What was important was that I be with him in prayer during his last moment to offer him to God.  Up to the end of his life, Dad was reminding me of my vocation as pray-er. ‘Ipagdasal mo ako.’

WHAT IS PRAYER?

           If my father, a simple layman places so much value and importance in PRAYER, what really is prayer?

           The compendium of the Catholic Church defines prayer as ‘the raising of one’s mind and heart to God, or the petition of good things from him in accord with his will.  It is always the gift of God who comes to encounter man.  Christian prayer is the personal and living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is infinitely good, with his Son, Jesus Christ, and with the Holy Spirit who dwells in their hearts.

           My favorite definition of prayer is that of St. Teresa of Avila’s who said, ‘Prayer is an intimate conversation with the One who we know loves us.’ And ‘Prayer is not thinking much but loving much.’

           Using modern day imagery, Prayer is the electric cord that connects us to the source of power, who is God. Prayer is that which keeps us on-line with God. So whatever thought, word or action that we direct to God is prayer. Even our silence, our cries, our groaning and sighs when they are directed to God is prayer. Didn’t St. Paul says, ‘The Spirit helps us in our weakness for we do not know how to pray as we ought…’ 

JESUS, A MAN OF PRAYER

           As religious we are in the seminary or convent for no other reason than to be followers of Christ.  We are called to pattern our life after His.  We are called to value what He values, to reject what he rejects.  Jesus was a Man of Prayer. The pages of the Gospels are filled with texts of Jesus at prayer. No matter how busy he was with his ministry of preaching and healing, early at dawn and at the end of the day, he would always find time to pray. Jesus prayed before making important decisions as he did when he chose the first apostles. He prayed before performing miracles such as the multiplication of loaves. He prayed when he was joyful and when he was sad. At the end of his life his last act was a prayer of surrender to the father. Jesus was always on-line with God. His life and all his actions because they were directed to God was one great act of prayer.

 PRAYER, THE SOUL OF MISSION

           Before Daddy was laid to rest, I requested that his coffin be opened. I gave Dad a last kiss. As my lips touched his cheek, I realized that Dad was no longer in his body.  His spirit left him when he breathe his last, instead what remained in the coffin was a stone cold, lifeless and hard cadaver.

        Prayer is the soul of mission. It is what spirit is to the body. It is the principle of life that gives meaning, purifies motivation and sets direction to our mission.  Without prayer, no matter how great and many recollections we give, no matter how many youth we serve, no matter how many sick we heal, no matter how many poor we feed, house and clothe, etc., we are only like dead men walking, preaching, healing and serving. No matter how many words of affirmation or applause we receive for giving a good talk or recollection, no matter how many people we have moved to laugh or cry at our homily, without prayer, they are dead actions that amount to nothing in God’s eyes. They are just ‘empty rhetorics’, a cheap ‘show’. We are just like ‘noisy gongs or clanging cymbals.’ 

  On the contrary, St. John of the Cross said, ‘An act of pure love is greater and of more benefit to the Church than all other works put together. It means what matters to God is the purity of intention that we place in actions rather than the great actions done for one’s selfish motivations. We can be externally serving the youth but interiorly we may be seeking for attention or affection. We may be externally giving a good talk but interiorly we may be seeking for affirmation to raise our low self worth.   And where do we find the sacred place to sort out the weeds and wheats in heart? In prayer, God reveals to us the secret intentions of our hearts. In Prayer, we allow God to purify us from our selfish motivations and to redirect our focus from self to God as we glorify him in our actions.  The weeds and the wheat will always be together until our last breath. We will always find them together inside us. But what is important is that once God raises them to our awareness that we be able to offer them to God for Him to purify them so that our works be pleasing in his eyes and be fruitful for the church.

When we are faithful to the liturgical, communal and personal prayer a time comes when prayer will overflow to all the aspects of our life. Thus we speak of Prayer-Life. It means prayer becomes no longer confined to the places and times of formal prayer but it spills over to wherever we are, whoever we are with 24 hours a day. Prayer becomes the very air we breathe, our very heart beat. This is what Jesus means when He said ‘A time will come when people will worship Him in spirit and in truth.’ When this happens, we will discover in ourselves a disposition of prayer, an attitude of being in communion with God whether we are at work or at rest, silent or in conversation, joyful or sad, sick or healthy. When that time comes all our acts become mission. Every action becomes an act of self giving which is not a duty or a burden but a gift, an overflow of the intimate relationship with God which one has.  This is the wisdom of the Church behind the making of St. Therese of the Child Jesus as Patroness of Missions even if she never left the cloister and never had an active apostolate. When she was dying of TB, walking became a painful and heroic act for her which she transformed as prayer for missionaries.    

THE CHALLENGE

           I believe God’s challenge is for us to be faithful to prayer.  I know it is not easy to be faithful to prayer when one finds only dryness and emptiness in prayer. But remember that prayer like love is not so much based on feelings but on faith. Just because you don’t feel God’s presence doesn’t mean he is not with you, in the same way that just because you cannot see the air that there is no air. It’s all faith. And since prayer is a life of faith, it is the reality that as one advances in prayer little by little God withdraws the consolations of the early stages of prayer where the time of prayer seemed short, one felt God’s love and his embrace, when everything seemed sweet and easy to bring one to stage of proficient’s which is the stage of purification when the time for prayer seemed long and burdensome and everything seemed dry and empty, with God absent.

           A true follower of Jesus is a person where  prayer and action meet. The prayer he utters in the silence of his heart moves him to act, to serve, to change his life and be converted. His every action, on the other hand, no matter how simple and ordinary is a prayer- offering pleasing to God.

         When my father died in 2006, I was not home. But in prayer, in the silence of my cell I have accompanied him in his home-coming to God, fulfilling the last words of a dying man, ‘Dulce, mamamatay na ako.Ipagdasal mo ako.’