Chasing One's Dream in God's Own Rhythm

By Fr. Haluendo Amit, OCD

OCD Provincial House

New Manila, Quezon City, Philippines

My father once told me, “I have no other treasures to leave you except your education. So, study well and pursue your dream.” What the old man whispered back then continues to linger in my ears. His words became an inspiration during moments of struggle and difficulty. As the eldest among six siblings, education was a value deeply inculcated in us by our parents from childhood. In Bogo, Cebu, where the recent earthquake occurred, poverty was a reality that many families grew up with. Despite the family’s economic disadvantage, it never became an obstacle. In fact, it served as a motivation for our studies. Four of us became engineers, one became an accountant, and a doctor.

My parents did not allow me to pursue a scholarship major in Political Science in the University of the Philippines. I ended up becoming a working student while taking up Electrical Engineering. For five years, hard work, resilience, discipline, and commitment were the virtues that encapsulated my determination to complete my studies. As the eldest in the family, I was expected to help my siblings with their education. In fact, that was the primary reason why I spent eight years working as a mathematics teacher immediately after graduation. Although my main purpose was to support the family, it also became a breeding ground where I honed my teaching skills before deciding to enter the seminary.

In Carmel, my passion for studies continued. I studied Philosophy at the University of Santo Tomas. However, it was at the Loyola School of Theology that I enjoyed theologizing with a profound sense of discovery. There, I learned to be flexible and embraced spontaneity, while developing critical thinking. I also learned to nuance arguments and substantiate opinions according to different perspectives and positions. I learned to set aside and bracket the ideas of theologians and professors and engage critically with views that resonated with or go against my own. This was a preparation for the greater task in stored for me in Carmel.

Since the day of my priestly ordination until I was sent for further studies, my assignments had always been in formation: vocation director, postulant director, novice director, and student director. I never expected to pursue further studies outside my linguistic, geographical, and cultural comfort zones. I spent three years studying Carmelite spirituality in Ávila, Spain, and two years in Rome studying at the Teresianum. One degree was a master’s on St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face; the other was a licentiate on St. John of the Cross. If given the chance to pursue doctoral studies, I hoped to work on these doctoral thesis staments: (1) Covenantal Communion and Friendship: A Dialogue between Pope Benedict XVI’s Theology and St. Teresa of Jesus’s Teaching on Prayer; or (2) Divinization through Love in the Mystical Theology of St. John of the Cross.

Aside from being exposed to entirely different cultures, I was given the opportunity to study their languages, thereby broadening my vocabulary and expanding my access to scholarly references. I was also exposed to different accents and had the opportunity to stay in the United Kingdom in the hope of pursuing a doctoral degree, but things did not go according to plan. Oxford, where I lived, is generally two hours away from London, where St. Mary’s University, Twickenham, is located. Added to this, the community responsibilities entrusted to me were so overwhelming that pursuing further studies seemed impossible.

Midyear of 2024, I returned home from my studies and immersed myself in parish ministry. Pastorally speaking, the experience was enriching. I learned how to simplify things for ordinary people and to be content with the limited resources and circumstances I encountered. In 2025, a new inspiration emerged. Several opportunities came unexpectedly—invitations to give retreats, recollections, conferences, and talks. It was a privilege to reach out and share to Carmelite nuns, Secular Carmelites, OCD student friars, other religious groups, and lay people. These experiences prefigure my desire for the establishment of the Commission on Teresian Carmelite Spirituality.

Going back home to the Philippines therefore was a blessing in disguise. It not only gave me the opportunity to immerse myself once again with my brothers in my Carmelite province, but it also paved the way for me to pursue my dream of further studies. In the recently concluded Chapter Meeting of the Order of Discalced Carmelites last May 2026, the Provincial Superior, apart from granting me permission to pursue doctoral studies, also appointed me as head of the Commission on Teresian Carmelite Spirituality. At the Ateneo de Manila University–Loyola School of Theology, I found two interesting programs relevant to my personal aspirations and the needs of our province: first, the Doctor of Theology, major in Spirituality–Pastoral Psychology; and second, the Doctor of Ministry, major in Spirituality and Retreat Direction. Due to time considerations, the first doctoral program is most likely the one I will pursue.

My analytical background as an Electrical Engineer, my experiences studying abroad and engaging with different languages and cultures, my nearly decade-long teaching experience, my years of accompanying students in formation, and my commitment to living the priestly-religious charism of Carmel—not to mention my current assignment as head of Carmelite Teresian Spirituality—all constitute rich and compelling motivations for pursuing doctoral studies.

It is also my aspiration someday to become the first Filipino Carmelite friar to teach at the Ateneo de Manila University–Loyola School of Theology. Such a career path is a way of contributing to a shift in mindset and culture within our Order, where intellectual and academic ministry has long been neglected. To teach Carmelite Spirituality in the university is not simply a ministry, but a mission to be shared for the benefit of the entire universal Church. From the perspective of the province, allowing me to pursue doctoral studies may seek to develop, deepen, and promote Carmelite spirituality. But on a personal level, pursuing a doctoral study represents the fulfillment of my long-held dream.